dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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