I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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