We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
