my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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