i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
