It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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