I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
