Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
