That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
