my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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