But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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