I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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