this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
