there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
