Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
