i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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