dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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