i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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