Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
