It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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