wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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