I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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