my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize