In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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