I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
