Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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