Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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