I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
