Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
