the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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