i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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