You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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