i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
