Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
