Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
