conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
