He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
