Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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