you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
