my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.