Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.