I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!