So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
