I love black thongs
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone stole a lamp last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
