It's like God shit irony all over that family
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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