The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
