I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
