On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
