Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
