we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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