At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
