She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
