if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my shit smells like andre
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
