The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
