I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
