the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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