Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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