I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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