Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
