I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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