should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
