we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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