I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
