Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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