i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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