Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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